trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
