what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize