we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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