I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
