If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
