I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
