and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
