ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i have two assholes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize