ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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