Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
