omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
