he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
