I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
