worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A+ Viking dick
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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