I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
