anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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