I looked at my own cervix.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
