were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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