I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
