Your dad touched me again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize