I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
