this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize