I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This is the high leading the old right now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
