But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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