Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
