Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
