I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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