Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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