we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
