he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
