Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
