Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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