but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
