like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
