It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
