I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
