i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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