shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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