Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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