I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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