And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
