This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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