I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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