I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
