It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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