Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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