if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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