the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
