I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
