Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
