So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
