3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
