Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
