Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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