If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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