It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
