so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize