just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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