So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
