In the future we'll all be gay
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
