I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can I color on your dick again?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
