you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
