i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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