She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
