oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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