Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
