he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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