This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
