i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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