I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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