??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
