he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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