I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
