I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
