I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Liz is crying about burritos again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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