Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize