so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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