My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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