So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
