I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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