I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
