He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
