this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
