I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
