he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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