you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
