You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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