You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize