You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize