Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize