Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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