Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
