I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Randomize
