Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I need to stop coming to work sober
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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