SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
