Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
as a side note pls kill me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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