I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
