Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
