Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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