even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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