Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
