suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
