I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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