i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
