im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize