I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Two words: blizzard sex
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