chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
