the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
