great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
